“Miles and miles of time stretching ahead of me”
Fairy Lake, Vancouver Island
Catherine is a good friend who pours out her love and generousity to the people in her life. But in her 50s, she found she wasn't offering as much to the world as she knew she had to give. "It just felt like miles and miles of time stretching ahead of me," she told me. "With me, not engaged, not making an impact. At least in a way that is meaningful to me."
Cat is a creative, intelligent woman. She reached a point where her child had grown up, and her previous three careers held no more appeal. Cat had been a teacher, a homeschooling mom, and a business partner with her husband.
A few years after selling their business, Cat and her husband moved to a beautiful property to run a B&B. She thought welcoming and hosting people onto her property would give her a sense of fulfillment. "We moved here, and I thought that was going to be the solution.” However, she realized that fulfillment couldn't be found by moving or travelling. "It wasn't the change of location," she said. “What I needed was within me."
She also considered going back to teaching. But only for a moment.
She began to question, "What do I do with myself? … Where do I find meaning and purpose?" But with no reliable path to figure that out, she circled the question for several years, becoming increasingly frustrated.
The desire for meaning and purpose hits many of us, especially at our age, when we realize we have so much to offer. But this is where many women get stuck or circle, sometimes for years. There can be a sense of shame for not knowing what’s next or for not being happy where they are. Or they can experience a years-long confusion about knowing what would be the most satisfying move to make.
Yearning for a Sense of Purpose, Meaning, and Mattering
When Cat was working in her business or B&B, she wasn’t satisfied with her impact. She loved the idea of working with her husband, yet the work itself wasn’t fulfilling. "I had a necessary role to play,” she sad. “But I did not feel that it was significant."
When this feeling of mattering wasn't present in her new roles, Cat clung to it through her role as a mother, even though her child was grown. "I always had … an important role to play … and then the role was gone," she said. "I felt like I was hanging on to old roles and the familiarity of those roles and resisting moving on."
Over the course of several years, Cat’s frustration grew.
"Who am I? Where am I? What the fuck am I doing?!"
And Then The Crash
Cat’s searching finally culminated in her body sending a message, loud and clear. "It started with me crashing," she said. "My body, my experience … just crashing to a halt and going, 'you're not doing that anymore!'"
This is the moment of crisis many women experience. Often it feels like depression, confusion, or grief. Whatever the emotions that carry it, the body experiences it. And it can take anyone completely off-balance.
In the transformative learning literature, this "crisis" will often be the catalyst for transformation. In one of the few in-depth empirical studies focused specifically on midlife women who changed careers to pursue purpose, Miryam Smit and Sumaira Malik discovered their participants' turning points often came through shocks — divorce, menopause, bereavement, or layoffs. These disruptions, transitions, or crises have tremendous potential to become catalysts.
Cat recognized this through her struggle. "Why am I here? What's my purpose now?" she asked. "You have to rediscover it all over again." The liminal moment is where transcendence is possible, and movement happens.
We’ve been led to believe we can plan our way to happiness. But you can't merely think your way through this transition. The way through has to be embodied and experienced.
Cat began with acts of service through volunteering. She knew connection with others and a sense of mattering, or significance, was important to her. Her embrace of these two core values drove her discovery process and she began to imagine. She recognized other key values she held close. "Financial contribution, creativity, self-exploration, and understanding more of self," she realized, were all important to her sense of satisfaction. Knowing this would allow her to test her next steps. Her ability to reach into her core value system and imagine a path forward that held those values helped her realize her desire to become a therapist. And she began to dream.
Begin With Values — An exercise you can try
Consider spending some time exploring your own core values to help you discover a fulfilling path forward. You’ll be happier and more fulfilled when you are living your life aligned with these. Although this exercise can sometimes feel uncomfortable, if you spend some time with it, it can give you a tremendous amount of insight and comfort.
Values are chosen directions or the ideals you want to move toward. Values can be represented by words like creativity, service, and integrity.
Start by brainstorming a list of your top ten. An intuitive gathering will be more useful than overthinking it.
Reflecting on each value in your list, consider which of these are you already living, and which feel painfully absent for you.
Now put your values in order; from your most cherished value to the least important (I know they are all important). Go by gut/intuition without thinking too much about it.
With your top three values in mind, go do something enjoyable outside. Consider how they show up in your life right now, and how you would like them to show up next.
Record your reflections in your preferred medium.
I would love to hear from you if you would like to share any thoughts about this exercise and what it revealed to you.
The Research
Smit, M., & Malik, S. (2026). Purpose-led career change and well-being: The experience of midlife women. Journal of Career Development, 53(3), 328–350. Open access: 🔗 https://doi.org/10.1177/08948453261437095
About Christina Joanna
I am a transitions and transformation coach for women 50+, with an MA in transformative learning and training in coaching, hypnotherapy, NLP and other modalities. I interview women and gather the wisdom of their experience about navigating mid-life transitions. I have been through breast cancer, marriage breakdown, business loss, job loss, and an empty nest. I love dogs and hiking.
My AI Statement. I write every word myself except for quotes from interviews and research. I use AI to transcribe my interviews, help identify themes, and search for related research on the topic. I also check spelling and the appropriate placement of commas.